The fact that I have not written a blog in three months make sense with the way my life has been set up.
Ooooh weeeee. We can talk about that later.
Thursday was my daughter’s first day of college. Since she has been asked (tortured) to take first day of school pictures her entire life, I didn’t request one from her. I took one though. :)
29 years ago, I started on the same journey. Where did the time go?
I have had a few nostalgic moments but I am mostly using this fresh start for her as a fresh start for me. It has nothing to do with being an empty nester but everything to do with, after having a crazy, fun, stressful, hectic productive summer, having enough time to pause and consider how I can make this simpler. This...my life, my path, my purpose, my calling should NOT be this complicated.
I always feel like I am behind on something.
I haven’t had enough sleep in a long time.
I have forgotten to return more than a few important emails.
Just yesterday, I realized I had missed a deadline that might have been worth $25,000. (I know, right? Let's pause for that for a minute because my heart is still racing).
Again, I DID have a lot of fun, blessed this summer....
But now what?
And that's when I started thinking about slowing down.....or at least slowing down my need to be at everything all the time. My TRUE calling in life doesn't require me to be. But, again, I just admitted that I feel like I'm always behind (and, yes, I do think social media is part of the issue). Just last night on my Instagram, I shared a Facebook memory from 2010; one of the many times I've had to dig deep to even stay in this industry of likes, looks and "let me see what everyone else is doing and try to do that too." And while it was "encouragement" for people who may find themselves there right now, it was a nudge for me to save myself so I'm not there again. To feel like you're never good enough (the real issue) is a struggle. And it's deeper than what to post.
I started to think about the times when I was the most happy doing my work. Many moments came to mind but there are a couple of moments that stick out in my head. Moments like this:
...when I was connected to the people and among the people teaching the people and learning from the people. And it's as simple as that. I love teaching so I'm going to do that (I'm actually going back to teaching yoga at Arsenal Combat Sports Club two Saturdays a month starting September 10th). I love creating workshops that reflect who I really am as a person. I love listening to stories and dancing carefree and writing blogs. That isn't hard. Believing I need to do it perfectly is the issue. Believing I need to do it that way someone else is doing it or "suggested" that I do it is the issue. Believing that if I can't do everything then I'll just do nothing is the issue.
That nagging perfectionist in the back of my head has been the issue. She is getting on my nerves!!!
I'm extremely extra so I could never be basic but going back to the basics doesn't mean I can't be myself. They are two different things. I'm after the main thing; to walk on the path I was born for and be committed and unapologetic about how I walk it. I'm following God not algorithms.
Cadence is the word my friend Martin mentioned some months ago that sticks with me but hasn't stuck with my soul. It's about finding a rhythm, being in tune with it and keeping it.
I'm not willing to drop this beat, y'all. I know I am moving to the place where I'm supposed to be and I won't have to kill myself to walk into it.
May you remember that less could probably be best and it may get you more than beating down every door because you THINK you know what's behind it.
We know which door is ours because when we approach it authentically, it will open.
Have a great week.