Updated: Aug 21, 2022
Oooh weeee, you have been an emotional roller coaster. And, even though, on most (long and drawn out) days I was sick of you, I know you were here for a reason.
It was easy to find the good in you when my baby crossed that stage and got her high school diploma.
But some of these other days; the demands, the exhaustion, the traveling, the emails, the tears, the insomnia, the people, places and things I had to walk away from, the stress…..I felt like I was walking around with a ton of bricks on my shoulders. And, most days, when I should have been working on the million of things I need to be complete, I was locked in a room with a candle and a coloring book. When I couldn’t think and couldn’t talk, I splattered random colors on pages and then when something else happened, I’d flip through the book and feel a shift in my mood, throw it away and buy another book. And, sometimes, in between throwing markers away and discovering a new color, I’d sing New Edition and think about how I had waited too late to drink wine and so ice cream would have to do.
In the days I felt like I “wasted,” I know you were providing me the rest I needed and the time to think about where I was going next. You were about contemplation and choices and ownership and changing my mind. May, you were a pivot point but, you wore me out in the process.
May, you gave me time to love and connect. You made space for my voice. You gave me my “want to” back. You gave me evening bachata dance shows, reminding me how much I love and miss dancing. You gave me strength to pick up the Hex Bar for the first time. You gave me tennis. You gave me my Pilates and yoga practice back in a way that made sense for me. You gave me Bobby Brown on A & E, an awesome Wordle streak and three pairs of Lululemon Align Joggers.
And, on the days I wasted, well, sometimes I cried and slammed doors, let my calls go to voicemail and went to bed before it was barely dusk.
And I needed it all.
Thank you for knowing that during #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth I needed the space to create, to be, to do nothing and go after everything. You knew I was going down and you left me space to be there but you didn’t let me stay there.
So, perhaps, I shouldn‘t feel like I wasted any of you but you waited for me when I didn’t think I could keep up. And now I’m here, happily exhausted and ready for you to go.
Thank you but, well….Bye, Felicia!