Note: This blog was originally posted on February 18, 2016 though I have updated some of the images. I'm sad it's still relevant. I'm not sure if the hardest part of my job is the physical demand on my body...........or the physical restraint I exercise over my mouth. Good grief.
Yesterday, in Piloxing, I shared with the class how we NEVER know what someone is going through when they are in that room with us. We NEVER know why someone is working so hard or so little, why they are in the front or in the back, why they are singing the words to all the songs or doing everything with their eyes closed (instructor included!!!!!).
When you are in the front, you can see the points and the whispers. I am amazed at how women who are supposed to be there working out still have energy to tear down other women. I'm used to them attacking me. I'm in the front. Sometimes people have gotten bold enough to say things to my face. Sometimes I care. Most times I don't. I do still wonder though we are so concerned with each other. And then I remembered the REAL war, the one that I hear day in and day out, that drives me insane...and the one of which I am guilty of participating in as well....
We have declared war on ourselves, that woman in the mirror. We don't like her so we can't like anyone else.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't hear some woman say she's fat or talk about herself in a negative way like she's not even in the room. Careless comments about old age, flabby thighs, disgusting belly fat, lack of ability, butts and breasts that don't measure up are the norm. Let's not even discuss comparison. Shall I talk about social media where it is a common practice for other women to post on your status about how jealous they are of you for ANYTHING: a cute purse, a yoga pose it only took you five hundred years to get, new color in your hair, a great selfie (that you probably took a million times), a Starbucks latte, a few extra squats, a picture of your seemingly thin thighs that are being held together by compression pants? It seems so "harmless." They are just "teasing."
No. No, they are not.
We think everyone is better than us and we will never be good enough. Ever. These words hurt; short term and long term. When you talk about me, you are really talking about you. When you are talking about you, you are really passing those things on your daughters, granddaughters, cousins, nieces, anyone in your circle of influence. You make it o.k. to be abusive and display violence.
Words can hit harder and stay longer than you think.
If you just have to bring another woman down, if you just have to let the world know how much you disapprove of your beautiful, amazing self, would you please keep quiet about it?
I don't want to hear it.
I'm not going to keep trying to talk you out of it because I'm tired of you trying to "one-up" with another insult about yourself or someone else.
I'm not going to join in the conversation and insult myself so you can be in good company.
I'm not going to agree with your insults about another woman.
I want to start living in a world where we celebrate ourselves and each other in EVERY stage, even if that world just includes me. It starts with a decision.
Watch your words. This war is unnecessary. As women, we already have enough on our plates.